PGA Championship--a major in need of a hook

Why are majors majors? Because each one offers a unique challenge. The U.S. Open has its rough; the British Open offers fairways as hard as concrete; the Masters has nutzo greens (and requires the players to stomach its antebellum "charm"); PGA Championship has... the weather? No? Um, could it be that all the golfers are probably really tired by this point in the year? No. It's the final major? No. The Un-Masters? No. Okay then--the PGA Championship needs a "hook," something that gets people watching. And I have the answer: monkeys. The PGA Championship could be the only major to release hungry monkeys during competitive rounds. They shouldn't use big monkeys that could threaten patrons or golfers, but small and cute monkeys that could sow mischief. The spider monkey is a good candidate. He's small enough that his bite wouldn't hurt any more than a pinch, and he's got enough personality to run away with a pro's golf ball and get much-needed cute-assed press out of it. Think of the stories sports writers would get--"Woman feeds monkey, loses earlobe," "Got lice? PGA monkeys can handle it," "It's official--all primates hail Tiger Woods as Monkey God," etc., etc. Those are narratives that grab an audience. Stimp and Bermuda just don't do it. So, PGA guys, if you want to use my idea, I'm all for it. Just do me one favor--hold back the best groomer for me.